plans and contengencies.

from the shack:

Humans were made to live in the present.

“[Planning] is your desperate attempt to get control over something you can’t. it is impossible for you to take power over the future because it isn’t even real, nor will it ever be real. You try and play God, imagining the evil that you fear becoming reality, and then you try and make plans and contingencies to avoid what you fear.”

“Why do I have so much fear in my life?”

“Because you don’t believe. You don’t know that [I] love you. The person who lives by their fears will not find freedom in my love. I am not talking about rational fears regarding legitimate dangers, but imagined fears, and especially the projection of those into the future. To the degree that those fears have a place in your life, you neither believe that I am good nor know deep in your heart that I love you. You sing about it, you talk about it, but you don’t know it.”
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I have spent alot of time with anxiety thinking about England and life at home while I'm gone.

The fears I have been actively sitting with lately--fear of being alone, of not being known, of my relationships not being sustained, of my people's need/desire for me being contingent on my physical presence, fear of uncomfortableness, fear of people who live entirely different lives as me because I fear I will not be able to maintain the strength of living the way I do-- have caused many problems.

My fears are rooted in my independence.
I was not made to live this way. He wants me to be present in what is. Not to attempt to live and think and dwell in what is not. The future. And the past.

Fear is living apart from faith. Which is the dubbed "sin".

Oh, how we were made to live so differently. And He's waiting for me to go there and rest.